


If Rose Were Deaf

by Pretzelrosecoloredglasses



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Deaf Character, Deaf!Rose, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 23:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12641376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretzelrosecoloredglasses/pseuds/Pretzelrosecoloredglasses
Summary: I am constantly saddened by the lack of D/deaf and HoH characters. So, this is basically a bunch of random little pieces of the series with deaf!rose. It kind of bounces around, so it's mostly just a lot of one shots.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, I am hearing, and don't really know any Deaf people, but I've done my best not to be stereotypical or offensive. I'm also American and only know ASL, so I might get some BSL stuff wrong. If you have any comments, please leave them below!

The Doctor grabbed the girl's hand, startling her even more. She stared at him, so he said urgently, "Run!" 

He led her down the hallway and through several sets of doors until they got to an elevator that would take them to the ground floor. The girl didn't run very fast, so the Nesteen was right behind them to the point that one of them almost got into the elevator. It's arm got jammed between the doors and he had to pull it off in order to get the elevator moving. 

He threw it back to the girl, who was panting in the corner of the elevator. Her eyes were wide. She looked at the arm, then him, then the arm again, all with an alarmed look on her face. 

"Plastic," he said bluntly. In some ways, he thought, that was all the explanation anyone needed.

She nodded, but didn't seem to believe him. 

The Doctor said, "They're really plastic, I promise. Not some prank group or any of that nonsense."

The girl stared intently at him, like he had an odd facial hair or a mole or something. She raised an eyebrow. She still didn't believe him. But, all she said was, "Wilson will call the police."

The girl had a very heavy accent, but the Doctor couldn't place it. She sounded like she had several speech impediments that were never addressed. It was odd for the Doctor to run into an accent he didn't recognize, especially on Earth, especially in London. 

He asked, "Who's Wilson?"

"Electrician," she answered.

The Doctor frowned. He'd only gotten one human life sign when he scanned the building. He said, "Wilson's Dead."

The girl looked alarmed again, but also angry. She said loudly, "That's sick!" Her arms shot out in big movements too. He wondered if she was ever an actress or a dancer. 

"Watch your eyes," he said, tilting his face slightly away from the elevator panel while he soniced it. The girl didn't seem to care what he had to say, though, because she looked straight at the beam. Idiot, he thought to himself. She was just like any other human who couldn't listen to a single direction.

The Doctor started walking towards the exit, but the girl just seemed more angry. She said, "Wait!" and grabbed his arm. He turned to her forcefully. No one had touched him directly like that for a long time. He hadn't kept any companions around, and before, well, Gallifreyans weren't a very touchy species.

The girl let go when she saw how he reacted, but also held his gaze. The Doctor forgot that humans tended to be a bit fierce when they weren't given enough information. (When they didn't feel important, thought the Doctor cynically.) "Explain," she demanded. She added, "And look at me." Her pointed two fingers and moved them like his eyes were on her.

He walked a bit slower so she could catch up, and said, "They're made of plastic; living plastic creatures. And they're being controlled by a relay device on the roof, which would be a great big problem if I didn't have this." He held out the explosive he'd been carrying in his jacket. He continued, "So I'm gonna go upstairs and blow it up. And I might well die in the process, but don't worry about me."

The Doctor opened the exit door and gestured for Rose to go through. He said, "No, you go home. Go on, have your lovely beans on toast." He pushed her out the door and said, "Don't tell anyone about this 'cause if you do, you'll get them killed." 

The girl stared at the Doctor. Her eyes had been trained on his face the whole time. As soon as he stopped talking, though, she made the briefest eye contact. He shut the door. 

The Doctor started to turn away, but something stopped him. He couldn't stand to just leave her out on the street. He turned back, opened the door again, and saw the girl still staring in his direction, as if he'd left something there. She seemed surprised that he was back.

For the first time, he looked at the girl he'd saved. She was young. She looked about 20. She had dyed blonde hair... and hearing aids. The Doctor suddenly remembered her accent. She was deaf. He felt like an idiot, but there was no time.

He said, "I'm the Doctor, by the way. What's your name?"

"Rose."

"Nice to meet you Rose, run for your life!" He closed the door for good this time and made his way to the roof.

A deaf girl, he thought to himself. Of course she was deaf. After all this time, the Doctor still cringed a bit when he thought about deafness. It wasn't allowed where he grew up. If a baby was somehow allowed to be conceived and turned out deaf it was automatically aborted. He remembered the tests that they used to do on Gallifrey, finding the probability of two people having a child with any kind of physical disability. Anything above a 10% chance was illegal. That was the reason he'd had to divorce his first wife... they had wanted a child, a daughter. But, when they applied, they were denied for a 25% chance of deafness. The Doctor remembered what he'd thought when he'd heard that news for the first time. All he could think of was an adorable little girl with bright blue hearing aids.

The Doctor reached the roof and stopped thinking about the past. He felt raw and vulnerable. He hadn't consciously thought about Gallifrey since before the war.

He quickly located the thought-control receiver and aligned the bomb. He made his way to the edge of the roof, looking at the people on the street below. The bomb would eventually make the entire building explode and go up in flames, but it would take at least two minutes before becoming any danger to the people on the street, which would be plenty of time for everyone to get out of the way. 

He spotted Rose running down the street. She crossed the street randomly in her panic and almost got hit by a car. The Doctor noted that she must have been in a huge rush to jump out into traffic like that, especially when she could't hear the car horns.  
***  
Rose hesitantly started walking towards home. She started to turn the corner when she noticed the display window full of mannequins. Her heart leapt and she quickly turned to cross the street. But, she wasn't paying enough attention and almost got hit by a car. It just put her more on edge. Her heart was racing.

She took a breath and started jogging down the street to see if that would help her to relax. It always had in school. She felt her adrenalin start to kick in and found herself running, then sprinting. Rose was three blocks away before she knew it. She only stopped once, when she felt the ground shake. She turned around to see Henricks on fire, with glass flying everywhere. People around her started running away, making the entire situation a mess. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. Suddenly, she could be anywhere in the world. There was no distraction. She tried to imagine she was in a far away country, lying on the beach. Of course she opened her eyes again, but when she did it felt like she was removed from the commotion. She was just a normal girl walking home. She pretended the disaster was in a different reality, and she was safe in her own. 

Rose didn't allow herself to relax for too long, though. Her mum was probably home, watching the news right now. It would only be seconds for her find out the breaking news, and Rose still had at least twenty minutes to go if she ran. There was no hope of a bus, either, since the streets were completely crazy.  
***  
Mum was saying something to Bev on the phone, pacing up and down the apartment. She handed Rose a cup of tea. She was sitting on the couch, watching the news go on about the disaster. 

Just then, Mickey Smith walked in. Mickey lived on the estate as well, and Rose's mum was always trying to set the two up. Mickey had even learned a bit of signing. He wasn't great, but he could get by, which pretty much summed up their relationship. They went out, they got lunch, sometimes they had sex, but that was pretty much it.

'I called you,' Mick signed at her. Rose shrugged. Most of the people who had texted her were barely her friends, but they suddenly seemed to care enormously.

'You could have died!' said Mickey. He leaned in for a hug, which Rose did her best to deflect. That probably wasn't fair. Mickey really did care about her, but she didn't want to be smothered. She didn't want compensation. All Rose wanted was to go back to her old job.

'What HAPPENED?' asked Mickey, spelling out the word 'happen'. Rose shook her head again. 'I was outside,' she answered. There was no point telling people about mannequins coming to life. It didn't matter, anyway. They were all gone - probably melted in the explosion. Besides, Mickey and her mum were distracted. She could tell Mickey was aching to go to the pub, and her mum was all over the place talking to concerned relatives and friends.

Rose waved off Mickey, and then got pestered by her mum about interview and compensation again. Rose didn't care about any of it, though. She wished she'd never run into that man - 'The Doctor'. She just wanted her normal life back with a normal job.

But, as Rose laid in bed that night, she couldn't help but think of her life. She thought about how much she hated her job, how mediocre her relationship with Mickey was. She barely hung out with her friends, she had no purpose in life. Rose didn't miss her old life, she hated it. She still hated it.   
***  
'By the way... it also travels in time.' 

Rose smiled wide and let out a happy laugh. The Doctor's signing was terrible. She had no idea what she was doing. She had no interpreter. But, when she looked down to Mickey, crying at her feet, she couldn't help but feel trapped. She didn't want to spend her life taking care of Mickey. 

Rose turned to Mickey, taped him on the shoulder until he looked at her, and said, 'I'm going to go. Thanks for everything.'

Then, without looking back, she ran into the strange blue box. T-A-R-D-I-S, she thought to herself. The Doctor held the door open wide for her, and she had to resist the urge to slow down when she went through the doors. 

She noticed the room was much cleaner than it had been last time. There were still bits and bobs all over the place, but the tools seemed to be put away in a toolbox, and most of the loose wires were tied down. The lights were brighter, too, which made the room seem much less musty. The center console glowed blue, and below the floor were hundreds of blinking lights. She walked towards one of the coral support beams and touched its surface. It wasn't rock, like she expected, but closer to a dense wood. It was beautiful, in its own way.

Rose looked over to see the Doctor was watching her. She suddenly felt embarrassed. She pointed to the room all around her and signed 'Beautiful'. 

The Doctor didn't react. He just stared a moment more, then went to the console. He picked something up off on of the panels and handed it to her. It was an arm band. It was made of some kind of metal mesh, and was long enough to cover half her forearm. Rose said 'Thank you' but gave the Doctor a look like it was a question.

He mimed her sliding the band onto her arm. She did. Nothing happened. The Doctor just smiled, though, and pointed at his own arm. She looked down, and saw words typing themselves out on the surface of the band. She looked up, and, yes, the Doctor was talking!

"Now we can communicate," she saw him say. Then, sure enough, it was written on her arm. Rose was in shock. She had heard of this sort of thing, of course, but the technology was always too slow, or didn't catch words perfectly, or broke easily, or was too bulky. This, though- this was perfect.

"Try to sign something," said the Doctor. 

'Okay,' replied Rose. She didn't notice anything, but the Doctor nodded like it was a success. 

When he noticed her expression, he said, "The band interprets your signing while you wear it. It says it out loud."

Rose's eyes widened. She smiled brightly. The Doctor joined her and said, "So, Rose Tyler, where do you want to go? Forward or back in time?"


	2. Adam is a CODA...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same Story, but this is much later on; Rose invites Adam, who knows ASL, along for the ride. Rose and the Doctor are definitely sleeping together, but it's a little bit rocky and undefined because those two are idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when the Doctor and Rose love each other from the beginning but are such idiots about it. Maybe that says something about me... Anyway, to add to the 'pretty boy' problem, I made Adam fluent in BSL too. He's a CODA, so his parents are deaf.

'What has you so worked up?' asked Rose, frustrated. The Doctor had been ridiculously jealous all evening. He'd stormed out when Rose and Adam were signing while watching a movie with him, he'd purposely moved Adam's room all the way across the Tardis, and he refused to change a single thing he was making for dinner, even when Adam said that he couldn't eat the pasta because he was allergic to pine nuts in the pesto sauce.

The Doctor glared at Rose and said, "I just never thought I would see you throwing yourself at someone like that."

'Excuse me!' Rose signed. 'I haven't been 'throwing myself' at anyone! You're the jealous one who can't handle me being around other men, despite the fact that you can't even tell me how you feel!'

The Doctor fumed, "Maybe I want to be sure that you actually care enough to stick around before I give myself to you!"

'How can you say that! How can you have so little trust in me!' Rose said bitingly. 'Is it because I'm human? Because I'm some stupid, ugly little ape who can't control themselves? Am I just a convenient little pity shag? Just the Deaf girl who can't say no because she knows no one else will ever take the time!'

Rose knew she was being unfair, but she didn't care. It was irrational, but she wanted the Doctor to hurt for every other person who she'd been stupid enough to love.

"I knew it was about that. It's because he signs, isn't it!" the Doctor yelled. 

Rose knew she could end this, tell him that there was nothing between her and Adam, but instead she said, 'Maybe it is! Maybe I'm tired of translating everything into English, or I don't want to read everything people say to me! Maybe I don't like sounding like a robot. You know, I can express myself in sign language, more than in any other language, and I like being able to connect to someone about that.'

"Well maybe you would be happy to just go home, then!" shouted the Doctor.

'Maybe I would!' Rose signed back.

They both stood there for a moment, shocked at what they'd just said. Rose looked at the anguish in the Doctor's face and realized that for once it wasn't his past that had caused it, but her. She imagined him having a night terror about her leaving, and found herself fighting back tears. Her nose and eyes grew hot and her head felt fuzzy and clouded. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry, she chanted to herself. The Doctor was staring at her in anger and fear and sadness. She broke eye contact, turned, and left the room. The first tear fell as she crossed the threshold into the hallway. 

Rose curled up on her bed, feeling more alone than she had since she first entered the Tardis. She wrapped herself into her comforter, buried herself in pillows and sobbed until her head pounded and she couldn't cry anymore.

What had she done? The Doctor didn't deserve that. Those words weren't meant for him, they were meant for Jimmy Stone, for Mickey, for her speech therapy teacher, for the teachers who made Rose feel like she was too stupid to talk. But the Doctor wasn't like that. He was kind, and understanding, and tried so hard to learn to sign for her. She knew he was embarrassed about not being able to communicate with her, that he felt guilty that she had to work in order to have a conversation. 

When Rose finally calmed down and decided that she didn't hate herself or the Doctor, she did start to think about what she'd said. She didn't like that she had to work to talk to the Doctor. Maybe a part of her was hesitant to love someone who wasn't fluent in her language. She had jumped pretty quickly at the idea of having someone to sign to on the Tardis, and maybe she'd let Adam woo her more than was appropriate. She had also known how the Doctor felt about the language barrier. They should have talked about it before and not let it become a problem. 

Rose got out of bed. She felt dizzy from crying so much and her head still hurt, but she needed to see the Doctor. The Tardis had kept her light on, but it was well into the night. The Doctor was probably alone in his room. Adam was probably four hours into his sleep cycle. 

When Rose stepped out into the hallway it was dark, with only the airplane style floor lights still on. She found that she was only two hallways away from the Doctor's room, which was probably good. Rose didn't think she had enough courage to make it very far without bailing.

She knocked several times, hoping it wasn't too loud. Her own room was the only one that had a doorbell to flicker her lights. Rose waited several moments. In case the Doctor had told Adam to go away, she knocked again so he would be sure it was her. She waited for over a minute, but he didn't open the door. She decided this was more important than manners and opened his door, surprised to find it unlocked.

She'd been in the Doctor's room many times before, but this time the lights were off. Rose had only ever known the Doctor to sleep immediately after a long night of sex, and even then, never as long as her. She cautiously made her way towards the bed, and found the Doctor mostly undressed and fast asleep. He was wrapped in blankets and on his side, curled up with his knees to his chest. She felt a pang of sadness, having just been in the same situation, and probably would have rocked herself to sleep if it weren't for the headache she got from crying too hard.

Rose slipped off her shoes (she'd needed them to walk on the grated hallway) and gently slid into bed with the Doctor. Of course, he didn't need to be as warm as her, so she was cold in less than five minutes. Rose scooted closer and closer to the Doctor until she could feel his underwear material on her thigh. Rose closed her eyes and pretended this wasn't probably her last night on the Tardis. It took her a long time to fall asleep.

***  
Rose woke up as a little spoon. She could had sworn she was the big spoon the night before, so she was a bit surprised. It was such a familiar position, though, that it took her a moment to realize that she wasn't just waking up from any regular night in the Doctor's arms. 

She could feel the Doctor's body pressed tightly against hers. His arms wrapped around her body and his upper leg scissored hers. His face was pressed into her hair, and she could feel his warm breaths on her neck. For a moment, all Rose felt was safe. Then, it all came back. She clung to the Doctor around her, suddenly wanting him to sleep forever. 

She was too late, though. He had apparently woken before her. She felt the rumble of speech in his chest against her back. "Don't let go," she said aloud. He replied, but she didn't care what he said because he held her tighter and then pressed a kiss into her neck. But his patience was apparently quite thin because as soon as it came he unraveled himself and sat up. Rose followed a second later.

She shook out her hair, blinked a few times, then focused on the Doctor. She tried to read his expression for love, for anger, but couldn't see anything but seriousness.

Rose figured she should start, since she was the one who snuck in in the middle of the night. She started to sign when she realized she wasn't wearing her bracelets. They were back in her room, on the table. And her contacts were in her bathroom. She frowned, trying not to glance at the Doctor. She didn't want to ruin this anymore.

He tapped on her shoulder gently. 'It's fine,' he signed, 'You don't need them.'

Rose nodded. She said, 'I'm sorry.'

'It's fine. I can understand you,' said the Doctor again.

Rose shook her head. She said, 'No. I'm sorry. I love you. I never want to leave. Never.'

The Doctor's expression finally shifted from neutral. He looked angry when he said, 'I needed to hear that. Yesterday.'

Rose suddenly felt awful and more than a little bit scared. She didn't want to fight again. She said, 'I know. I should have said that yesterday. And the day before. And the week before. And the month before. I should have said every day.'

'You shouldn't have blamed all that on me,' said the Doctor, still angry. 'I can't help that you're Deaf, I can't change that I never learned to sign before, and I can't make people treat you normally. You have to deal with your insecurities. It's not my fault you feel like you're settling for me.'

Rose nodded sadly. If she weren't all out of tears she would probably be crying right now. She said, 'I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said any of it. I don't feel that way with you. I was trying to be mean.'

The Doctor relaxed. He said, 'Me too.'

Rose watched the Doctor. His body was open and no longer stiff. Rose noticed he was waiting for her to say something. He was giving her a chance to vent. She said, 'I don't want you to get mad again.'

The Doctor bowed his head. He was ashamed. Rose had never seen him so angry as he'd been last night. Maybe he didn't usually let himself be like that. He signed, 'I don't want to be mad at you.'

Rose said, 'I love you. And I don't know if you love me. And I know it's hard for you, but I wish you would show me by trusting me, by letting me be mad and knowing I won't leave, by letting me have friends.'

The Doctor looked sad again, and Rose felt like she was just hurting him even more, but she knew she had to get it out.

She continued, 'I wish you knew my language the way I know yours. I wish you could make jokes with me and we could feel close and connected all the time. When I touch you, when I watch your face, I feel like I know you. I want to feel like that all the time. But mostly I just want to feel included.' Rose truly felt tears coming on now. She said, 'I don't want to feel like the stupid deaf ape.'

The Doctor hugged her tightly. He rubbed her back, and she felt his breath in her ear, like he was whispering to her. She closed her eyes and felt her sadness seep out. She could feel the Doctor properly talking to her now and let out a sob. She remembered the first time he'd whispered something in her ear. He'd told her, 'I say everything I'm not brave enough to tell you. Once I say it out loud, it becomes a lot easier.'

The Doctor pulled them apart and said, 'You are beautiful and smart. I will never let you forget.'


	3. Jimmy Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has a nightmare about the time she spent with Jimmy Stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty intense chapter. So, beware. Rose basically relates her experience being raped. So, please do not read this if it makes you uncomfortable!

Rose woke suddenly to the Doctor shaking her. She was crying, her body was trembling. The Doctor was holding her up. 

'You're okay,' he signed to her. She could see the signs, make out the words, but she felt too distracted to understand what they meant. She was being chased, being cornered. She didn't have anyone to talk to. She remembered the dream, but it had felt so real. Jimmy's words had been so real.

'You're okay,' signed the Doctor in front of her. She felt his arm around her, his body next to her. She remembered the feeling of her hands held up, of Jimmy playing with her, of not being able to say anything.

"Get away!" she shrieked. She remembered not knowing if he understood her, because he always said he couldn't understand her. She remembered she didn't stop him from kissing her, so he said she was happy.

The Doctor moved back , but stayed in sight. He kept signing, 'You're okay, Rose. You're safe.'

Rose felt her heart racing. She remembered that he used to turn off the lights, that he would yell at her when he was drunk for not replying to what he had to say. 

The Doctor took the blanket from the foot of the bed and placed it on her lap. He signed, 'Rose, you're safe. You're in the Tardis.'

Rose looked down at her body. She hadn't realized she was naked. She grabbed at the blanket and pulled it up to her chin. The Doctor grabbed another one and wrapped it around her shoulders. 

'Rose can you see me?' he asked gently.

She felt her breathing slow down a bit. She nodded.

The Doctor smiled. He signed, 'That's great. You're doing great.'

Rose pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned back against the headboard of the Doctor's bed. He said, 'Rose, how about some water?'

She shook her head. She felt her hands wrapped around her chest. She didn't want to untangle them. She stared at a seam in her blanket.

The Doctor scooted a bit closer and waved for her attention. When she looked up, he said, 'How about we just breathe together then.' Rose didn't move, but she was suddenly conscious of how fast she was breathing. 

'Okay, just watch me. We're going to hold our breath in for two seconds.' 

Rose watched the Doctor. She tried to hold her breath, but she couldn't do it. He said, 'Just keep trying until you can do it.'

She tried again and again, for several minutes, until she was slowly breathing in and out in rhythm to the Doctor. He signed, 'Now let's get you some water.'

Rose thought about the Doctor leaving the room. She shook her head. But he just said, 'Just keep breathing until I get back. You're safe, I promise.'

When the Doctor re-entered the room, Rose felt like her heart had finally slowed to a normal pace. He handed her the glass of water and she drank until she couldn't breathe again and had to take a deep breath. 

The Doctor watched Rose carefully for another hour while she slowly came back to herself. She never signed a thing, but several times she let out loud vocalizations. The Doctor had almost never heard her speak. She was generally self conscious about it, saying that people always told her it was bad. But, he knew for a fact that, if she thought she was alone, she would vocalize and sign at the same time. Sometimes he heard her when he was passing by the kitchen or library at an odd hour. Once, he'd caught her humming. 

Rose watched the Doctor closely, but he never showed any signs of being irritated or annoyed. He would look over, make eye contact, say something, just so she knew he had heard her.

Finally, though, Rose went completely quiet and completely calmed down. She moved her arms out of her blankets. She shifted her legs a bit. The Doctor sat up a bit and said, 'You want to talk about it?'

Rose signed back, for the first time that night, 'Not today.'

The Doctor nodded. He said, 'You want to sleep?'

She said, 'Will you stay?'

The Doctor shifted so he was next to her in bed instead of across. He said, 'I promise I will.'

Rose nodded. She said, 'I don't want to close my eyes.'

The Doctor hesitantly rested his hand on her arm. He rubbed small circles into her skin. He signed with his free hand, 'I'll hold you.'

Rose nodded. She said, 'Will you hold my hand?'

The Doctor nodded. He signed 'Always.'

Rose laid in bed, on her side. She faced the Doctor. She held her bottom hand in his. She looked deep into his eyes. He smiled at her. Rose suddenly felt guilty. She said, 'Sorry we don't have sex that much.'

The Doctor's eyes opened wide. He frowned. He said let go of her hand, but touched feet to make up for it. He said, 'It's not like that. I don't need sex. I don't want it like that.'

Rose remembered back to when Jimmy used to yell at her, back to how it all started when they stopped having sex as much, when she never initiated it. She signed, 'I just don't want... I don't want you to get bored.'

The Doctor frowned harder. He said, 'Rose, I don't love you for sex. I love you for you. You are brilliant. You are amazing and strong. I love you. Sex won't change that.'

Rose nodded. She seemed unfocused for a moment. The Doctor held her hand again. He squeezed it. She squeezed back. She moved her head so that her forehead touched his. Their feet were still connected. They were barely touching, but the Doctor had never felt closer to anyone before. 

Rose said out loud, "I love you."

The Doctor almost cried. He never pressured Rose into speaking. He knew she was nervous, and honestly, he didn't care that much. But, to hear her be so comfortable, so sure, that she would say such precious words out loud, he felt his heart ache for her. He leaned in and lifted his head so he could whisper into her ear. In Gallifreyan, he said, "I love you forever."  
***  
"Good morning, Jackie," the Doctor said. 

He was still half asleep when he heard Rose's phone ring. He kept his right hand clutched in hers as he opened Rose's phone. He'd never really understood why Rose didn't change the ringer to vibrate, and even more, why she had a phone that made calls in the first place. These days, though, Rose generally got calls from her mother. The Doctor had given her a machine she could plug it into which would transcribe everything into text, and then Rose could type back. But, every once in a while, when Jackie called them in the middle of an adventure, the Doctor would answer the phone for her and do his best to interpret. His sign language wasn't exactly fluent yet.

"How do you mean 'Good morning'? Why do you sound sleepy?" she snapped. "Your alien ass better not be in bed with my daughter!"

The Doctor glanced over at Rose, fast asleep. He said, "Absolutely not, Jackie. Rose and I are just having breakfast on Plaxida Phora. It's known for the best sunrises in it's system, but I can definitively claim they are the best sunrises in the universe, so far."

"Alright, mister. Where's my daughter? How's she doing? How are you, Rose?" Jackie shouted that last question, as if it would somehow get to Rose faster if she was louder.

The Doctor said, "Well, Rose actually just ran off to do some shopping. This planet is home to a major inter-planetary market, with eight major species who each use a different language, including the Cliopt-ptla, who communicate telepathically among each other, but use a complicated sign language to communicate with other species."

The Doctor felt guilty about lying, but only a little bit, considering that was probably how the day would end up anyway. Jackie said, "Oh, its brilliant how you always bring Rose to places where she can use her sign language. Are you sure about letting her go off and explore by herself, though?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. He said, "Jackie, Rose is twenty. She's been traveling the universe for almost a year now. She doesn't need me to look after her. And I'm telling you, nothing holds her back."

The Doctor was about to lead Jackie into small talk that would eventually make her hang up, but then he looked down at his sleeping Rose. He said, "Jackie, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, though."

"What is it? What's wrong with Rose?" she asked urgently. The Doctor would have laughed if she wasn't so spot on. 

He said, "Well, I don't want you to freak out, but Rose has been having nightmare recently."

Jackie was quiet for a moment. She said, "I'm going to ignore that you just said 'recently' as if you know what Rose always does at night."

The Doctor decided silence would be better than an excuse. Jackie continued, "What kind of nightmares are we talking about?"

The Doctor said, "Bad ones. She screams in her sleep. I can hear it from the kitchen. She thrashes. She, erm, rips her clothes off and curls up in a ball."

Jackie was silent. The Doctor had a feeling she knew what he was talking about. He continued, "She won't let me touch her. She won't sign afterwards for hours. I don't think she falls back asleep most times."

"I know what you're talking about," said Jackie quietly. "Mickey used to tell me the same thing, when Rose used to stay the night."

The Doctor flinched a little bit. He asked, "Did it ever happen at home?"

Jackie said, "Not like that. She used to cry in her sleep. Mick said that's how it started. But I always used to hold her. I could rock her back to sleep. I remember I used to sing her lullabies. I would press her head against my throat, so she could feel the music."

"So it's been happening all her life," the Doctor said uncertainly.

Jackie paused a moment before saying, "No."

"Well do you know what caused it, then?" he asked.

"Yes."

The Doctor had to take a breath before asking, "Do you mind telling me what it was?"

"Yes."

The Doctor huffed. He knew she was going to say that. "Okay," he said, frustrated. "Could you at least tell me what you did to help them stop?"

"Nothing," said Jackie. "I would just comfort her, tell her I loved her, and she would stop happening. After a while, they went away altogether."

"You didn't take her to a counselor or anything?" asked the Doctor. 

"I did, but Rose wouldn't talk. I tried groups, I tried anonymous sharing, I tried therapy. None of it worked for her. But, after a while, she just put some pieces back together. That's all I can say. In some ways, that's all I know."

The Doctor said, "Okay, thank you. I guess I'll keep you updated. If it doesn't go away soon, though, I'm going to bring her home for a while. I'm worried."

Jackie said, "Alright. Take care, Doctor."

"I will."

"Oh, and Doctor?" said Jackie suddenly.

"Yes?"

"It all stopped at once. But then, years later, it started again. She was dating Mickey then, but they had been going out for six months at that point. Then it stopped again, all on its own."

The Doctor sat in bed, his hand still curled in Rose's. He watched her face, relaxed as a small child's. He remembered her expression when he held her. He said, "Thank you, Jackie. We'll talk later."

Rose woke about an hour later. She stretched out, briefly letting go of the Doctor's hand to pull her arms high over her head. Then, she rolled over and looked up to him. She signed, 'Good morning.'

'Good morning,' he signed back. He asked, 'You hungry? I was thinking we could go out to breakfast.'

Rose smiled brightly. She said, 'As long as they have fruit.' Then, she glanced up at the Doctor's upright position. She raised her eyebrows to ask, 'How long have you been awake?'

The Doctor smiled and answered cheekily, 'Since dawn.'

'It's always dawn,' she said, lightly smacking his arm. The Doctor shrugged like it didn't make a difference.

He said, 'Only about an hour. I was tired.'

Rose nodded and started to get up, when she realized she was not wearing any clothes. She paused. 

The Doctor was ready, though. He said, 'I am going to get some tea for you. Then I thought you might want a shower, too, so I'm going to get some Tardis work done.'

On Rose's bedside table was a pair of pajama shorts and a t-shirt. She didn't say anything about them, but the Doctor had noticed her glace at them. He kissed her on the forehead, then on the cheek, then on the lips, and got out of bed.

When he came back, ten minutes later, she was wearing pajamas and he was carrying tea. There, he thought to himself, normal morning. There would be no embarrassment for Rose.  
***  
Three nights later, the Doctor brought it up again. He didn't even have to say that much. He'd just caught Rose staring off into space. She had a look of anguish on her face, as if she'd been pulled into some terrible memory. As soon as the Doctor entered her sightline, though, she snapped out of it. She blushed when she looked at the Doctor.

'You want to talk about it?' he asked.

Rose looked up at him and said, 'Not really.'

That was different from the typical 'no', so he asked, 'You think maybe you should talk about it?'

'Probably,' she answered. She didn't look at the Doctors face at all.

He said, 'How about we just talk about one thing; One little thing. It can be whatever you want.'

Rose nodded. She fidgeted with her hands, occasionally making partial signs. After a while, she said, 'I don't know what to say.'

The Doctor suggested, 'How about the space? Any space. A place, a room, a neighborhood. Why don't you just describe what it looks like, wherever you go.'

Rose nodded. There were tears in her eyes already. She said, 'It was mostly a bedroom.'

The Doctor took a deep breath. He had already braced himself for anything, but it didn't make anything hurt less. He did his best not to show any emotion except sympathy and acceptance. He signed, 'Okay. That's good. Can you describe it?'

'Dark,' she said immediately. 'I could never see anything.'

The Doctor nodded. He stroked her arm. He touched feet.

'The walls were green. It wasn't really a gross green, though. Just a dark green,' she said. She was crying openly now. The doctor out an arm around her, and she laid her head against his shoulder. She continued, 'The bed was small. It didn't have a very thick blanket, so it was always cold. The sheets were soft. They were washed all the time.'

The Doctor rubbed circled on Rose's back. She didn't say anything for a long time.

'I used to kiss back,' she said suddenly. 'I don't know why. Anyone else would have fought. I thought he didn't know. It was hard to see, in the room. The lights were always off.'

The Doctor stiffened. He trembled a little bit. His hand stopped rubbing circles. He said aloud, "I'm going to kill him."

Rose didn't move. She put her hand on his throat. She waited, and the Doctor said, again, "I'm going to kill him."

He wasn't sure if she understood. She didn't ask, though. Instead, she said, 'The apartment was painted yellow. There was this big brown recliner. I liked it a lot. There's one in the library just like it. Sometimes it makes me remember, but I usually just forget that it's from that apartment. I used to sit in it and read for hours. It's good for sitting on laps. I always wanted to sit on your lap and read together.'

He didn't say anything. He'd gone back to stroking circles on her back. The Doctor privately thought that he never wanted to do that on that recliner. He never wanted to make anything happy out of this past. But, he admired Rose for being able to.

'The kitchen had dirt everywhere. I used to spend hours cleaning it, but nothing worked. I think it needed a chemical scrub, but I didn't know how to do that. I wasn't allowed to use the computer, either, so I couldn't look it up. Sometimes I dream about that kitchen, about it being clean.'

The Doctor perked up a bit. He asked, 'How often do you dream about the apartment?'

'Not very much. More now. Usually only once a week. It's usually not bad, though. I only dream of the room sometimes.'

'Do you know what makes you dream of the apartment? Have you always dreamed about it?'

Rose shook her head. She said, 'I started seeing the apartment a month or two ago. Sometimes I imagine I'm in the apartment when I'm doing normal things. Or other things.'

The Doctor turned to face Rose directly. He said, 'When? When do you think about the apartment? What are you doing? Where do you think about in the apartment?'

Rose froze up. The Doctor realized he'd spooked her. He was too excited. He needed to take it slower. He was about to tell her not to say anything when she said, 'One time, you dropped an apple on the floor, in the kitchen. I got scared. I thought it was ruined. Then I remembered this floor wasn't dirty, that it was always clean. Another time, I was reading, and I put the book under the couch cushion so no one would find it. Then I felt bad because I remembered that you wouldn't take my books away. One time we were in here. We were... we were having sex, and you came, and I felt like yelling out, but I stopped so you wouldn't hear. I couldn't tell who I was worried about. I didn't want you to think my voice wasn't sexy. He said it was gross. I thought you said that for a second.'

Rose blushed. She didn't look at the Doctor for a long time. He tried to wave her attention but she didn't look up. They stayed quiet for a long time. Rose signed, 'I'm sorry.'

The Doctor gently tilted Rose's face up. He said, 'You didn't do anything wrong. You need to tell me when that kind of thing happens, though, so I can help, so we can talk about it.'

Rose nodded. The Doctor refused to lose her now, though. He made eye contact and said, 'I love your voice. It's beautiful. If you want, you can use it more.'

Rose smiled weakly, then gave him a deep hug. She kissed him. He kissed back, hesitant to start anything. She noticed, though, and said, 'It's okay. I'm okay. It's alright if we have sex.'

He accepted her kiss, but pushed her back for a moment. He said, 'It's also okay if we don't. You have nothing to prove. I'm still going to love you.'

Rose said, 'I have to prove that I love you. That's what we do, right?'

The Doctor stopped her. He said, 'I know you love me. I always know. I never have a doubt in my mind.'

Rose tried to kiss him again. Again, he accepted it, but he didn't kiss back. He said, 'Rose, please, say you know this.'

She stopped. She stared directly into the Doctor's eyes. They were so full of worry, but all she knew was that she loved him more than anything. She said, 'You do so much for me. I want to do this for you.'

The Doctor said, 'That's not a good reason.'

Rose looked frustrated. She said, 'Well maybe I want to do this for me, too, to not feel scared and immature and stupid. Maybe I want you to help me with that. Is that okay?'

The Doctor didn't seem convinced. He said, 'No. It's not about working through emotions. It's not about proving anything. It's about loving someone - about loving me.'

Rose said, 'I do love you. More than anyone.'

The Doctor finally gave her a genuine smile. He leaned in for a hug, and squeezed her tight. He said aloud, "I love you so much." Then, the Doctor pulled away and held each of Rose's hands in his. He signed 'You are more than the stars and nebula.'

Rose nodded but there was a pause in the conversation. The Doctor realized she needed an out; a reason to step away from her past for a while. He smiled brightly and asked her, 'How do you sign Doctor?'

She laughed. She probably thought it was funny. But, the Doctor only knew the signs that Rose used, and she had been using a typical name sign for him instead of the BSL word for doctor. 

'You mean a medical doctor, or like a scientific doctor?'

"You mean they're not the same!' he said excitedly.

Rose nodded like it was obvious. She signed 'medical doctor' first, then 'doctor', and finished with his name sign, an imitation of him using the sonic screwdriver.


End file.
